Time for T-Ball

 So if there were a contest for the worst mom in terms of taking pictures I would probably win… LOL!  I always forget my camera.  Maybe it’s because I really dislike it?  Not a valid excuse but the only one I can come up with.  This picture was taken with my cell phone so I didn’t have a lot of editing choices and it’s hard to see.  But there he is getting ready to take a swing with his coach behind him.   

Anyway, this was Moo Moo’s second time at T-ball this past weekend.  He seems to really be enjoying it, periodically I have to remind him to put on his “listening ears” and do what the coach tells them to do but he does pretty good.  He dislikes the running but loves catching, throwing, and hitting.  We “play” against other teams all of the same age group.  It is totally non-competitive and just an introduction into t-ball/baseball fundamentals.  They don’t keep score, have positions, or anything fancy like that- this was one of the big factors in chosing to let him play already. 

I promise to produce better pictures in the coming weeks.

Big Decision Ahead

I have said all along that Moo Moo would go to traditional public school.  So here he is at 3 1/2 and suddenly it’s time to go to preschool this fall.  Registration is due the end of this month and suddenly this feels like the wrong thing.  I don’t know what is holding me back exactly on the whole preschool thing. 

I thought that this time would come and we would happily send him on his way into his own life- separate from us.  I fear making the wrong decision and I think that is the biggest thing.  I know in my heart that he will do fine, he will learn new things, he will make friends, he will be fine.  BUT every timeI think about it my stomach starts to churn.  I don’t want to homeschool for ME.  If we homeschool it will be for the kids not out of our fears and trepidations of sending them out into the world.  Yet this is thebiggest thing holding me back on sending him.  We have grown a lot spritually since the time that DH & I began our life together.  I don’t think that the entire world and public schools are filled with impurity or unbelieivers but the fact of the matter is that Christians are more and more in the minority.  Now, more than ever, I belieive that having that foundation is essential for our children.  I know that we will not be able to shield the kids from life but if we can give them that foundation of Christianity I think they would be better off to fight against things that I believe are coming sooner than I would like to think. 

However I don’t think that this is the only thing that bothers me about sending him to public school.  I went to public school my whole life and my parents were able to teach me a very basic foundation of Christianity that has brought me to where I am today with it.  We could do the same.  There must be something else, something that I have yet to uncover from my own conciousness.  There seems to be no time for that right now but I think there is.  The current plan is to register him for preschool and take a careful and well thought out evaluation leading up to the time that school begins.  Hopefully by then I will know in my heart AND in my stomach what is the right decision.  If we decide to homeschool, there is only a (very) small deposit that we will be out of financially and if we decide that preschool is the right place for Moo Moo everything will be in place and ready to go.

I have recently began networking with other families in the area who do homeschool preschool- structured curriculums.  We have not been doing a set curriculum; rather just working on the basics and supplementing with things that interest him.  We have lots of fun activities planned for this spring and summer which I know he will have a blast doing while learning at the same time.  All of the families in the area are very supportive of the decision to homeschool while at the same time understanding of our fears and reluctance to do so- so far seeming respectful of whatever route we choose but willing to help if they can.  That has been a blessing but also makes my heart yearn for being able to teach our son(s) at home, myself.

Decisions.  BIG decision.  What’s a parent to do?

** Note:  In most of this I implied that the decision is mine and mine alone.  DH most defienly has a say in what ever the decsion is but thus far is supportive of whatever I choose, offereing his observations and input along the way. 

Quick Update

Wrinkles has improved.  We did not have to be admitted to the hospital today…. thankfully!   We had another shot of antibiotics and started the oral antibiotics tonight as well.  Today he had regained 4 oz. so that was good news.  Tomorrow we go through the same routine… re-check with the pediatrician and hopefully no shots tomorrow.  They also started him on some Albuterol liquid today to help loosen everything in his lungs.  I think he is starting to feel a little better as today wasn’t quite so much whining and he actually got down and played for 5-10 min. intervals in between naps. 

Moo Moo had fun at the farm today even though it was rainy all day.  He got to see the bottle calves and some of the lambs.  He has been talking non-stop about it all afternoon and night.  He wanted to stay there but I decided to make him come home instead of staying the night.  Maybe sometime soon he can have a sleepover with his cousins.

Grandpa watched Wrinkles tonight so I could get out of the house for a short time with Moo Moo. It was good for us to have a little one on one time and Grandpa enjoyed spending some time with Wrinkles, even though he is sick. 

That’s all from here for today.

 

“I don’t like it”

A post on another blog that I frequent quite often got me thinking about the differences in the boys’ eating habits and our current struggles with meal time. 

“I don’t like it,” has become the common response to any inquiry about whether Moo Moo is hungry or not.  Half of the time he doesn’t even know what we are having before I hear these four evil words uttered from his mouth.  Over the last few weeks we have had to remove the words breakfast, lunch, and supper from our vocabulary because when he hears any one of them we get to hear: “I don’t like it!”  Don’t even think about putting something green on his plate because it invokes instant gagging.  Fruit-no, veggies-no, meat- sometimes, breads/pasta- usually.  You may be wondering what exactly do you feed this child and the short answer is: anything I can convince him to eat at that particular moment.  The only things that he will happily eat are butter/margarine, ketchup, and ranch (all of these things plain).  YUCK!

Some days he loves a food and the next time we offer it he absolutely refuses to eat it.  This is very frustrating because I never know if he will eat what I fix or not.  Even when he tells me he wants XX by the time it’s ready to eat he very well may have changed his mind.  Moo Moo has a very strong and prominent gag reflex so we must be careful about how much we push, plead, bargain, and make him sit at the table until everyone else is finished because any one of these things can push him over the edge to where he is vomiting at the table (it comes on fast too).  I struggle with making him something “special” or an alternative to what the rest of us are eating because he may or may not eat the alternative.  Yet at the same time I honestly do not know how the kid is able to survive on the amount of food he eats sometimes.  We have recently went to an instant breakfast mix to make chocolate milk to help ensure that he is getting adequate vitamins and such.  I don’t know what to do about this situation.

On the other end of the spectrum is Wrinkles.  He will eat anything and everything.  His recent newest favorite food is lettuce salad but it has to have a dressing, he won’t eat plain lettuce.  He loves onions, meat, noodles, bread, all fruits, most veggies.  I honestly can not think of anything that he refuses to eat.  Maybe his tastes will change as he grows but I certainly hope not!  Wrinkles is always hungry.  It is normal for him to eat as much if not more than Moo Moo who is two and a half years older than him.  I don’t want him to get (unhealthy) fat but I don’t want to keep him from eating when he needs it. 

As I struggle with this eating issue, I am now trying to sort out all the information on trying to implement a “diet” for Dearest Husband to try to combat his high cholesterol and pre-diabetic conditions.  I also need to start a diet as I have put on more than a few pounds since quitting smoking.  I am torn between going on a high (healthy) fat diet and trying to better monitor portion sizes or going to a low fat diet along with portion control.  I just want something to help with his issues and get him off of his medications (like yesterday) and getting me to quit eating so much. 

Who knew feeding kids could be so difficult?  I certainly didn’t- maybe I missed that memo!?!! LOL!  So in case you haven’t guessed it by now- meal time around here is a struggle in more than one way and a source of stress for me.  I am open to any comments/suggestions you may have on any of the issues.   Oh and also open to any yummy healthy recipes you have to share as I am feeling like we eat the same things over and over and over again.

Wanting an answer but not the one currently suggested.

For the last week my mind has been going a million miles a minute during every waking moment.  I have struggled for a long time having this very ill feeling in my stomach about Moo Moo’s development or lack thereof.  Since the time he was about nine months old he has stayed on the border line for about half of his developmental milestones.  Never falling far enough behind to be considered delayed yet enough that I, as his mother, can tell that he isn’t where he needs to be.  I have been struggling with this a lot here recently for reasons not understood by me.  Maybe this is just our time to deal with it?  I decided to make an appointment with a doctor in his pediatrician’s office because he regular ped. is booked thru mid March.  We needed to repeat lead tests anyway since last time he was a 10 and the maximum “normal” range is 9.  (That’s something I’m sure I will post about in another entry, on another day.) 

 We arrive for said appointment and my sister in law came with to assist since we had to do an arm blood draw this time (again due to last lead test).  While doctor and I are talking about the issues going on SIL is playing with Moo Moo.  Doctor observes for a short time and says that a speech evaluation was most likely in order and it would help calm my fears.  If only he knew how wrong he was.

Yesterday we went for his speech evaluation.  He is delayed, about  8 months to be exact.  However she noticed other things going on with him, along with some questions that I answered honestly, and she is now referring him to occupational therapy for an evaluation there.  Why?  Sensory problems which could be, but not necessarily are, related to autism- however high functioning autism.

This is not what I was looking for nor what I really feel is wrong with him.  Maybe I just don’t want to accept it?  He does exhibit some (probably more than average) signs of autism but I have this deep feeling within the pit of my stomach that it is something else.  I am willing to admit that something just isn’t quite right, which DH still hasn’t wrapped his mind around, but this just doesn’t feel like the right diagnosis.

Further testing will be done in either case.  We are going to go ahead with the speech therapy and the occupational therapy evaluation.  I’ve been busy reading, researching, talking with other moms about all of this and my feelings that I am trying to face.  What if it is autism?  Will I try to cut out all the things suggested out of his diet that some people suggest are factors contributing to autism or do we just figure out how to deal and move forward?  Either way we either have a diagnosis that is difficult to deal with emotionally or we are still left wondering what is going on, so it is a slightly trying time.  We try not to let Moo Moo in on the fact that something is wrong but I know he senses it.  He  picks up on how people who he is close with are feeling at any given moment though. 

Sorry if part or all of this is mumbled all together.  That’s just how my brain has been functioning for the last couple of weeks. 

Ramblings…

Today is Day 3 of being smoke free.  I am especially proud of this accomplishment for a couple different reasons.  First the last time I went three days without smoking was a year ago and that wasn’t really a choice, I was in the hospital.  Secondly I had more dental work done today (one of my biggest stressors) and didn’t smoke.  YEAH FOR ME! 

 Classes start on Monday.  Today I went and bought my textbooks which must have gold hidden inside because two of them cost me over $300.  Craziness I tell you. 

I don’t even know if the classes I am taking are the right choices for me this semester but good luck getting in touch with an academic counselor right now.  I left a message yesterday and today but here I am still waiting for a return call.  I have to get my GPA raised or I will lose my financial aid.  I think this stinks because there are special circumstances…. such as mine.  When I plummeted my GPA years ago I was not receiving financial aid.  It was all coming straight out of my parent’s pockets.  Now, since I’ve burnt that bridge, I am receiving financial aid.  My GPA since getting on aid is a 3.64 (or something real close to that I can’t remember exactly and am too lazy to go look right now).  However my cumulative is much, MUCH lower and if I don’t get it brought up this semester I will no longer be eligible for my financial aid.  Anyway… both classes that I am signed up for this semester are re-takes for me so my GPA should come up considerably.  However sometime since I left college and now… they have changed their numbering system for some of the classes and I am not sure if my re-take will be considered a re-take with the new numbers.  I hope so or at least that someone would call me back to fill me in on this issue so that I can get this problem solved.

Did I mention I went to the dentist today?  It was horrible.  Okay maybe not horrible but it was not something I would mark down as fun.  I survived and my mouth is sore but I know it is worth it.  I had the same thing done today that I had done the end of last year to help with gum issues and I can see a lot of improvement where it had already been done.  So…. I lived through that.

 The kids and I ventured out tonight to the Iowa Caucuses. I love the political process- thanks in no small part to my high school government teacher who encouraged us to get involved by offering extra credit for attending this type of thing.  So I was a bit unsure about taking the boys with me but since I didn’t have a babysitter and DH is working his crazy hours I decided to try it.  What’s the worse that could happen?  I could get there and they could’ve turned me away… but they didn’t and I got to participate.  It was a learning adventure for Moo Moo although I’m sure most (probably all) will soon be forgotten but hey… I guess it got us out of the house.  Wrinkles thought it was funny to see all the people who showed up and was totally into all the commotion going on around us.  I am glad that I went.  I do think that Iowa is in danger of losing our “first in the nation” status so I may have just done something that will never be done here again. 

 Enough rambling for one night.  I must go to bed.

The Sick House

Well…. this is the first time I’ve had a minute to post for a few days.  We have become the sick house around here.  It started Friday when Wrinkles was running a temperature and was acting really funny.  I gave him some Tylenol, his temp. dropped, and he went back to his normal self.  Saturday night we had planned “date night” for the first time since our anniversary in April.  Wrinkles hadn’t required any Tylenol and seemed okay so we preceeded with our plans.  He was fussy for my sister-in-law who watched him but not so fussy that she felt the need to call me and let me know, instead they spent most of the time we were gone riding around in the car to keep him happy.  Ugh!  Why didn’t she just call me?  Oh well we weren’t gone very long anyway.  We had a good time and some great food.  Fast forward to Sunday night when I woke up to a burning hot Wrinkles.  Did he know mommy and daddy wanted and needed to go out with out the children so he miraclously wasn’t sick on Sat.?  I think to myself that he can’t really be sick, he must be working on his first tooth.  Monday was fuss-ville around here.  Wrinkles had to be held all day and every 4 hours needed Tylenol to bring his fever down a bit.  No sleep Monday night!  He was up every hour, the Tylenol wasn’t breaking his fever any longer, it was a long night.  Yesterday I decide to bring him in the ped. as he is no longer eating or nursing.  I don’t think my supply will do well with a nursing strike.  He really is sick.  He has croup and strep throat.  Ohhh… now I feel like the bad mommy who made her child suffer because I didn’t think he was really “sick”.  We started him on some antibiotics for the strep and just traditional steam showers and cold air at night and humidifiers in the house for the croup. 

Then last night as I was heading off to bed I heard Moo Moo crying in his room.  I go to check what the problem is and he is vomiting.  You’ve got to be kidding me!!  Moo Moo vomits often so I don’t know at this point if he is actually sick or just having one of his classic moments.  I decide to camp out in the living room with both the boys as sleeping in our queen bed with all four of us just doesn’t work for me anymore.  I spread out blankets and we all get comfy.  Next thing I know Moo Moo is getting sick again, luckily in his bucket this time.  He must have the flu.  Yuck!!

Wrinkles is still very grumpy but he is no longer running a temp.  He isn’t eating his solids yet but he is nursing again!  Thank goodness!  Moo Moo is still acting sluggish but hasn’t gotten sick for a couple of hours now. 

I have class tonight and I am really torn about whether to go or not.  I think the kids will be fine with my mom but they’re sick and I really feel like, as their mother, I should be with them but we are doing peer review tonight and I think I need to do this.  What to do?!?! 

Wrinkles is up again now and I must work on my paper for class tonight at his next nap. 

I’ve lost my way… (Any suggestions?)

on my parenting style that is.  I used to be so into attachment parenting but sometime within the last year I have lost my way.  It all started with the miscarriage and has just continued on from there.  After the miscarriage I was so distraught that I could barely function, let alone take care of a two year old.  I sunk into my reoccurring depression and dealing with Moo Moo was so hard for me.  A year and a half later I still find myself far away from my “roots” of attachment parenting and gentle discipline.  I don’t know what to do to find my way back to that calm, secure place.  I feel horrible after yelling at Moo Moo, I am just so easily angered and frustrated anymore. 

I can’t believe I have resorted to this kind of behavior.  I need to get back with my friends that encourage and model attachment parenting.  I need that support!  To be honest, I don’t even want to face them because I don’t know how to deal with Moo Moo misbehaving without breaking almost every philosophy of AP.  It so much easier to sit here ard try to deal with his misbehaviors at home than to take him anywhere.  In public he just misbehaves more and I always feel like the mother with the totally out of control 3 year old.

What am I teaching and modeling to my dear, sweet boys?  I don’t want to know- because I already know.  If you have any suggestions or books or websites, anything, please share.  I really want to go back to the parent I used to be and the kind of parent that I want and need to be for my sons.

Homeschool Preschool

I have every intention, at this point, to try the traditional public school system.  However, I’m just not sure that Moo Moo will thrive there.  He is very energetic and I’m almost positive he has ADHD.  I will not medicate him unless it becomes absolutely necessary and I know, through experiences my friends have dealt with, that our local school district is big on the medication.  “Just medicate them and they’ll do great,” is their view point.  They don’t care about any of the long term effects of the medicines or helping to teach the children how to live with ADHD.  So we are homeschooling for at least the first two years, preschool.  I chose this route for a couple different reasons but mainly because Moo Moo is an August babe and I’m really not sure when I will start him in Kindergarten.  I don’t want to send him to preschool/pre-k for three years.  It just doesn’t feel right for our family.  Doing that would put him in school for a total of sixteen years, plus college, it just doesn’t feel right for me to push him off and send him away when I know that I can handle preschool.  Plus we get to do lots of fun things together that are my learning tools.  We go to museums, orchards, farms, train stations, local festivals, etc.  We have a playgroup that we just started going to help him with socialization, which he desperately needs.  Plus we do all different sorts of church activities. 

Moo Moo is definitely a non-traditional learner as well.  I tried to teach him his alphabet and that just wasn’t working out.  I was frustrated and so was he.  I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong.  Why wouldn’t he learn this?  Finally I decided to try to teach him the letters in his name, Bingo!  He didn’t want to learn the letters in the “correct” order, so we are learning them in whatever order he so chooses.  So, no he doesn’t know the alphabet song- but he does know and recognize about half of the alphabet.  Wow!  I never thought I would be teaching the alphabet in a random order, but here I am!    Moo Moo teaches me something new everyday with his learning style.  I am constantly amazed that he can learn this way, as it is totally different from my learning style.  Yet another reason to follow my heart and teach him at home for at least these first few years.