I’ve lost my way… (Any suggestions?)

October 9, 2007 at 10:30 pm 3 comments

on my parenting style that is.  I used to be so into attachment parenting but sometime within the last year I have lost my way.  It all started with the miscarriage and has just continued on from there.  After the miscarriage I was so distraught that I could barely function, let alone take care of a two year old.  I sunk into my reoccurring depression and dealing with Moo Moo was so hard for me.  A year and a half later I still find myself far away from my “roots” of attachment parenting and gentle discipline.  I don’t know what to do to find my way back to that calm, secure place.  I feel horrible after yelling at Moo Moo, I am just so easily angered and frustrated anymore. 

I can’t believe I have resorted to this kind of behavior.  I need to get back with my friends that encourage and model attachment parenting.  I need that support!  To be honest, I don’t even want to face them because I don’t know how to deal with Moo Moo misbehaving without breaking almost every philosophy of AP.  It so much easier to sit here ard try to deal with his misbehaviors at home than to take him anywhere.  In public he just misbehaves more and I always feel like the mother with the totally out of control 3 year old.

What am I teaching and modeling to my dear, sweet boys?  I don’t want to know- because I already know.  If you have any suggestions or books or websites, anything, please share.  I really want to go back to the parent I used to be and the kind of parent that I want and need to be for my sons.

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Entry filed under: Attachment Parenting, Confessions, Moo Moo. Tags: , , .

Wrinkles is Crawling! One year later and the pain is still raw.

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Elle  |  October 10, 2007 at 1:57 am

    My heart goes out to you. We are all so hard on ourselves as parents. When did we start thinking we had to be perfect just because we’ve given birth? You know, the world is a tough place, and it’s okay for kids to be growled at. And it’s okay not to get it ‘just right’, especially not when you’ve been through a miscarriage and are still hurting. I think it’s really important to be yourself with your kids – sometimes that’s cranky, sometimes explosive, mostly loving.

    My dad died earlier this year. He yelled alot when i was a kid, but he also knew how to hug. The crabby times are actually fond memories because, as a parent, i so understand!

    BTW, kids misbehaving is not a sign of bad parenting – it could just be that your kid/s have spirit and personality (or that their still…kids!)

    Go and give your boys a cuddle, and most of all, ease up on YOU. You’re doing okay.

  • 2. Sarah  |  February 2, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    I had a miscarriage at 15 weeks April 2007. It broke my heart. I really feel for you. I’m so sorry.

    Please give yourself time and credit. Sensitive moms who have been there have told me that they didn’t truly “feel like themselves” for at least a year to a year-and-a-half or more. I feel better than I did last year, but the anniversaries are ready to roll around: anniversary of conception was this week, anniversary of BFP was mid-Feb, anniversary of morning sickness then thinking I was over the worst of it… then the anniversary of my worst nightmare coming true.

    I have found online resources to be a big help to me, especially connecting with other moms who have miscarried and cared about they baby they lost. Here are web resources that helped me. I hope something here can help you as well.

    support & resources on miscarriage/ infant loss

    http://www.silentgrief.com

    http://www.myforeverchild.com

    http://www.mend.org

    http://www.shininglightfund.org

    http://www.godslittleones.com

    http://www.pregnancyloss.info

    http://www.october15th.com

    http://bereavedmomsshare.com

    *******************************

    Teardrop Diary for moms who have suffered pregnancy loss:

    http://tinyurl.com/yvkeel

    ********************************

    bereaved mommies’ blogs:

    http://tinyurl.com/3b3ok8

    http://tinyurl.com/24g6zn

    my blog at

    http://tinyurl.com/yr3bo3

    Tab back to “view older blogs” until you get to April-June 2007.

    **********************

    how to comfort a grieving friend and/or what not to say to a grieving mother

    http://www.babysteps.com/rrddmn.html#dos

  • 3. God is Love  |  May 20, 2008 at 10:15 am

    Dear Lost Soul

    I understand how you feel a few years ago I was behaving the same way with my daughter it seems that everything she did got me upset and I would start yelling and screaming at her, I did not wanted to even hug her when she needed me and I would cry about that because I felt that I was not a good mother I felt like a failure as a person and as a mother. I was feeling so far away from everything and everyone its like being in a boat just drifting without direction, but one day I pray to God I ask him to change my heart to change the way I was feelings toward my daughter, for me to love her and appreciate the gift of motherhood that he had given me.

    I know that it is hard to understand why things happened to us but you need to learned that that little angel is your strength the glue that has keep you together through your miscarriage, when you feel like crying hug him he needs you as much as you need him. You will see that his misbehaving was due to your hurt and the lack of attention he was receiving.

    Ask God to heal your heart and to remove the anger that you have toward the lost of you baby.

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