One year later and the pain is still raw.

October 10, 2007 at 10:27 pm 1 comment

A year and a half ago I lost a pregnancy.  One year ago, I was supposed to be having my twins.  It was and still is the most painful experience of my life.  I never imagined the pain, both emotionally and physically, that would be endured.  The physical pain for me was quite brief and I am thankful for that aspect.  The emotional pain hasn’t been so short lived.  It is still quite raw and I don’t know when, if ever, I will completely heal from this loss. 

I remember my twin girls with great love and sadness.  They were loved so much for the very short time that they lived within me.  The doctors could never confirm the babies sexes but I know within my heart that they were girls.  I long for the day that we will meet in heaven.  I know they are in safe, gentle hands but that doesn’t heal my empty arms.  Their picture (ultrasound) will forever be with the pictures of my living children.  I (we) will never forget them!!  Their brothers will know that someday when they join their Creator in heaven that they will be welcomed also by their siblings. 

 I should be planning and celebrating one year birthdays but instead I am left here with an empty void in my heart and knots still all tangled up in my stomach.  My family and I will visit their memories and hold their picture on Saturday (the day they were to be born).  We will then take a walk and try to go on with our lives, remembering but never forgetting.

Since their death, I have been fortunate enough to have another living child.  Wrinkles was never meant to fill that void and he never has.  He is a very important and loved part of this family but so are the babies that never made it here to this earth. 

I hope to one day, when I am more emotionally healed myself, to be able to start a support group for people enduring the pain of miscarriage.  This is something that I feel our community could benefit from greatly.  I have heard all too often the comments that don’t help but hurt (even though this is not their intended purpose), we need education for the public of things that could be said that would be more comforting, or at the least not hurtful, we need a place to be able to share openly our feelings and memories of our dear children. 

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Entry filed under: Confessions, Ramblings. Tags: .

I’ve lost my way… (Any suggestions?) Puppies!!

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Sarah  |  February 2, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    I am so, so sorry for your loss of your girls. I wish there were something I can do. It makes me feel positively sick that parents have to go through this.

    I lost one child, not two. I can only imagine what it must feel like for you. I can certainly understand why you would still feel raw. Even though this was a post from a few months ago, I imagine you likely still feel the same way.

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