Archive for February, 2008

52 Days

52 days Smoke Free!!  Yeah for me!! 🙂

Savings to date:  $780 (that does not include sales tax).

The hard part is over, I think.  I don’t think about smoking as often although I still have certain days (like Fridays) that are still difficult for some reason.  ?? 

I am seeing some benefits of not smoking- starting with my asthma is gone.  I doubt the doctor would tell me that yet at this point but I haven’t had any asthma attacks in over a month now.  Awesome!

February 21, 2008 at 6:12 pm 1 comment

The middle of the road

For most of my life I have walked down the middle of the road.  I’ve always tried to keep everyone happy, tried to keep the boat from rocking too much, and never taken a clear stand on most issues.  Oddly enough as I look back on the happiest times of my own life, it has been when I walked on one side or the other… avoiding the middle road. 

This concept has become clear to me as I look at the issues currently facing the communities and groups in which I am involved.  Suddenly it dawned on me that I am always the peace maker, the person whom both sides of the issue come to when they are ready to compromise, the one who can put the right spin on the issue at hand to find the common ground.  This is not my comfortable place even though I find it to be my default. 

Moving away from the middle of the road and walking on one side is not an easy task for me.  I am a people pleaser.  I avoid conflict.  I put my life on hold in order to make someone else’s life easier or better.  I need to stop, not only for myself but for my children and my family.  These behaviors, in excess, are stressful, tiring, and unhealthy.  They have lead me to the unhappy places that I find myself most of the time.  This effects more than just me, it effects my whole family. 

No longer will I walk the middle of the road.  For many years, I walked here to find my friends and fit in with others but that hasn’t worked out for me.  I look at my social supports/networks and they are weak at best.  In fact, walking the middle of the road has led me to this dilemma of not having many friends that I am close with and not completely fitting in with the groups.  I don’t want my children to walk this same road because of the model behaviors they see in me.  I will assert my feelings, beliefs, wants, and needs effectively.  I will pick a side of the road when necessary and not waiver in my decision.  I will not let other dictate the way I feel or think about any certain subject or issue choosing instead to investigate, research, and make my own choices. 

This is one step on MY road of healing, organizing and simplifying.

February 18, 2008 at 11:30 pm Leave a comment

Wanting an answer but not the one currently suggested.

For the last week my mind has been going a million miles a minute during every waking moment.  I have struggled for a long time having this very ill feeling in my stomach about Moo Moo’s development or lack thereof.  Since the time he was about nine months old he has stayed on the border line for about half of his developmental milestones.  Never falling far enough behind to be considered delayed yet enough that I, as his mother, can tell that he isn’t where he needs to be.  I have been struggling with this a lot here recently for reasons not understood by me.  Maybe this is just our time to deal with it?  I decided to make an appointment with a doctor in his pediatrician’s office because he regular ped. is booked thru mid March.  We needed to repeat lead tests anyway since last time he was a 10 and the maximum “normal” range is 9.  (That’s something I’m sure I will post about in another entry, on another day.) 

 We arrive for said appointment and my sister in law came with to assist since we had to do an arm blood draw this time (again due to last lead test).  While doctor and I are talking about the issues going on SIL is playing with Moo Moo.  Doctor observes for a short time and says that a speech evaluation was most likely in order and it would help calm my fears.  If only he knew how wrong he was.

Yesterday we went for his speech evaluation.  He is delayed, about  8 months to be exact.  However she noticed other things going on with him, along with some questions that I answered honestly, and she is now referring him to occupational therapy for an evaluation there.  Why?  Sensory problems which could be, but not necessarily are, related to autism- however high functioning autism.

This is not what I was looking for nor what I really feel is wrong with him.  Maybe I just don’t want to accept it?  He does exhibit some (probably more than average) signs of autism but I have this deep feeling within the pit of my stomach that it is something else.  I am willing to admit that something just isn’t quite right, which DH still hasn’t wrapped his mind around, but this just doesn’t feel like the right diagnosis.

Further testing will be done in either case.  We are going to go ahead with the speech therapy and the occupational therapy evaluation.  I’ve been busy reading, researching, talking with other moms about all of this and my feelings that I am trying to face.  What if it is autism?  Will I try to cut out all the things suggested out of his diet that some people suggest are factors contributing to autism or do we just figure out how to deal and move forward?  Either way we either have a diagnosis that is difficult to deal with emotionally or we are still left wondering what is going on, so it is a slightly trying time.  We try not to let Moo Moo in on the fact that something is wrong but I know he senses it.  He  picks up on how people who he is close with are feeling at any given moment though. 

Sorry if part or all of this is mumbled all together.  That’s just how my brain has been functioning for the last couple of weeks. 

February 5, 2008 at 11:26 pm 4 comments

WINNERS!!

Due to technical issues I was unable to post last night and today has been busy.  Nonetheless….. Due to the overwhelming number of entrants I decided to pick 2 winners to receive their choice of gift certificate.  I used a free number generator to determine the winners.  And they are….

(drumroll)

 Number 151-Mama Podkayne  and  378-Sarah!

Congrats to both of you.  I am heading to go write you emails right this moment.

 Thanks to everyone for playing along!  I never imagined the response would be this high.  Watch for more of these contests here in the future!!  🙂

February 4, 2008 at 6:44 pm 1 comment