The middle of the road

February 18, 2008 at 11:30 pm Leave a comment

For most of my life I have walked down the middle of the road.  I’ve always tried to keep everyone happy, tried to keep the boat from rocking too much, and never taken a clear stand on most issues.  Oddly enough as I look back on the happiest times of my own life, it has been when I walked on one side or the other… avoiding the middle road. 

This concept has become clear to me as I look at the issues currently facing the communities and groups in which I am involved.  Suddenly it dawned on me that I am always the peace maker, the person whom both sides of the issue come to when they are ready to compromise, the one who can put the right spin on the issue at hand to find the common ground.  This is not my comfortable place even though I find it to be my default. 

Moving away from the middle of the road and walking on one side is not an easy task for me.  I am a people pleaser.  I avoid conflict.  I put my life on hold in order to make someone else’s life easier or better.  I need to stop, not only for myself but for my children and my family.  These behaviors, in excess, are stressful, tiring, and unhealthy.  They have lead me to the unhappy places that I find myself most of the time.  This effects more than just me, it effects my whole family. 

No longer will I walk the middle of the road.  For many years, I walked here to find my friends and fit in with others but that hasn’t worked out for me.  I look at my social supports/networks and they are weak at best.  In fact, walking the middle of the road has led me to this dilemma of not having many friends that I am close with and not completely fitting in with the groups.  I don’t want my children to walk this same road because of the model behaviors they see in me.  I will assert my feelings, beliefs, wants, and needs effectively.  I will pick a side of the road when necessary and not waiver in my decision.  I will not let other dictate the way I feel or think about any certain subject or issue choosing instead to investigate, research, and make my own choices. 

This is one step on MY road of healing, organizing and simplifying.

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Entry filed under: Confessions, My Road of Healing Organizing & Simplifying. Tags: , , , , , , , , , .

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